I have shared the responsibility for taking funerals across the Parish of Bowdon since 2011. From the first meeting with a bereaved family or individual to occasional visits following the funeral, it is an incalculable privilege, a huge responsibility and a valuable reminder that we are merely here for ‘a time and a season’.
During the funeral preparation period the bereaved are often numb, weary, and barely coping. Nothing may seem real, even when the illness has been lengthy. Grief may be tempered with relief, loss and loneliness are close and life feels ‘on hold’. Patience, careful words and the reassurance that much of what is being experienced is ‘normal’ can ease the anguish as hymns are chosen and tributes decided.
Giving grieving families time to reminisce is very important. I ask how they met, about landmark moments and the quality of the relationship. Young people will speak animatedly about grandparents who have died. Remembering brings tears but also laughter and anecdotes; a picture emerges of the person who I will meet, but never knew, at the crematorium or in church.
Most families will offer their own tribute, poems and readings. Those who contribute never regret it, even when they speak through a steady stream of tears. When children have read their poem about ‘Nan’, those present will often clap!
A funeral is a time to take stock – it’s a wake-up call. For the bereaved who have some Christian understanding, the inevitability of death can raise fundamental questions of eternity and the future. To these questions come enduring answers. Jesus was asked by his disciples how they could follow him to the Kingdom of God. Jesus said ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’ (John 14:6).
Copyright John Fenton, Lay Reader